Hanging in there, part ii

A song that has comforted me for many years is "Turning Toward the Morning" by Gordon Bok.  Now the words of the song seem more appropriate than ever before.

Turning Toward the Morning

(Gordon Bok)

When the deer has bedded down
And the bear has gone to ground,
And the northern goose has wandered off
To warmer bay and sound,
It's so easy in the cold to feel
The darkness of the year
And the heart is growing lonely
For the morning

Oh, my Joanie, don't you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.

Now October's growing thin
And November's coming home;
You'll be thinking of the season
And the sad things that you've seen,
And you hear that old wind walking,
Hear him singing high and thin,
You could swear he's out there singing
Of your sorrow.

When the darkness falls around you
And the Northwind come to blow,
And you hear him call you name out
As he walks the brittle snow:
That old wind don't mean you trouble,
He don't care or even know,
He's just walking down the darkness
Toward the morning.

It's a pity we don't know
What the little flowers know.
They can't face the cold November
They can't take the wind and snow:
They put their glories all behind them,
Bow their heads and let it go,
But you know they'll be there shining
In the morning.

Now, my Joanie, don't you know
That the days are rolling slow,
And the winter's walking easy,
As he did so long ago?
And, if that wind would come and ask you,
"Why's my Joanie weeping so?"
Won't you tell him that you're weeping
For the morning?

Oh, my Joanie, don't you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Recorded by Bok, Trickett and Muir on "Turning Toward the
Morning", FSI-56, copyright 1975.

"One of the things that provoked this song was a letter last
November from a friend who had had a very difficult year and was
looking for the courage to keep on plowing into it. Those times,
you lift your eyes unto the hills, as they say, but the hills of
Northern New England in November can be about as much comfort as
a cold crowbar. You have to look ahead a bit, then, and realize
that all the hills and trees and flowers will still be there come
Spring, usually more permanent than your troubles. And if your
courage occasionally fails, that's okay, too: nobody expects you
to be as strong (or as old) as the land." - Gordon Bok

I am waiting for the morning.

Joanie

Hanging in there

If Cliff had lived, he would be 76 years old today.  Today grandson Brandon (right above) emailed pictures from Cliff's birthday last year.

I started a new scrapbook yesterday with mementos of our life together. 

We had so much fun together.  Except for his last several months when he was so ill, I think he was happy.  I want to remember him as he was before he became so ill, and in his five wishes document that is how he said he wanted to be remembered.

Do you have an advance medical directive?  If not, I encourage you to execute one.  The five wishes document is inexpensive.  You can find it at http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php.

Joanie

Caregivers' survival, part II

A few days ago I wrote about things to do to take care of the caregiver.  I realized later there are other things to add to the list:

HIRE SOME HELP (IF YOU CAN).   I have someone who comes every two weeks to help me catch up on cleaning and laundry.  This lets me have at least a little time to do things for myself.  As women, we have always taken care of so many things ourselves, but especially as we age it becomes difficult to accomplish as much as we once did.  And when we have to care for a loved one, our discretionary time becomes scarce.  So if you can afford it, hire someone to help you.

ACCEPT OFFERS OF HELP FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  It's easy to feel like we'd be imposing on someone who offers to help, or we're concerned that the person doesn't really mean it, and so we say no.  Learn to say yes, at least some of the time.  Have you ever helped someone?  Didn't it make you feel better?  Give others the same chance.

Give yourself a chance to relax a little.

Joanie

Caregiver's survival guide

It's doubtful that any of us think we'll grow up to be a caregiver (caretaker?) but in our elder years many of us find ourselves with this responsibility.  Here are some of the things I think can help us withstand the stresses of caregiving:

1.  GET ENOUGH REST.  This is a tough one.  Our loved one often needs attention when we would rather sleep in.  So grab a nap when you can.  Today I napped while my guy was at therapy.  It was only for a few minutes, but it helped.

2.   EAT RIGHT.  When your loved one is being tube (bolus) fed, there's not much incentive to cook meals for yourself.  But falling back on junk food and ready-to-eat stuff can take a toll on your own health.  Let's face it, it's a lot easier to eat some cheese and crackers than to go to the store and get salad fixings, expecially when you're already tired.  But it is important to make an effort.  Even so-called "fast food" joints now have healthier selections.  Do your research, and choose wisely.

3.  MAKE TIME FOR YOUR PASSIONS.  You don't have a lot of time, that's for sure, but if you love to knit, or quilt, or paint, play music, read, do crosswords, or weed your garden -- whatever gives you pleasure, do it when you can.  If you love it, it will relax you and give you satisfaction.  Do it when your loved one is sleeping, or at dialysis, or at therapy, or whenever you have a little time to do something you love.  Even if it's only for a few minutes, it will be beneficial to you.

4.  KEEP IN TOUCH WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  My sister and I email almost every night and we talk every weekend.  My brother and I have lunch most Fridays.  My friends and I keep in touch by phone and email.  This keeps me from feeling isolated from the outside worl when circumstances keep me here at home.

5.  LAUGH!!!  This is so important.  There is always something in this life that we can find amusing, and laughing is one of the best ways to relieve tension and give one a feeling of well-being.  Make contacts with friends and family members who make you laugh.

6.  GET SOME FRESH AIR.  We caretakers must often spend a lot of time indoors.  But if we make an effort, we can find a minute here and there to step outside and take a deep breath and re-establish our connection with the natural world.  Even if it's raining, standing on a porch and taking a deep breath can be invigorating.

7.  ENJOY YOUR DOG/CAT/HAMSTER/FERRET.  Pets bring joy and comfort, especially to we "elders."  If you share your home with a critter, enjoy the love and affection you will give and receive.

for the caregivers

Joanie

My New Toy

My sweetie has been ill and I did not expect a birthday gift from him, as he has been unable to get out of the house, except for medical appointments, for a couple of months.  But today a box arrived, and it turned out that it was a birthday gift for me.  It seems he had given money to my son and one of his daughters to get together and come up with a gift for me, and they came up with a doozie:

If you don't recognize it, don't feel bad -- it's not something you see very often today.  It is a "lap steel guitar" made by Fender probably in the 1950s.  I have never played one before, but thanks to the internet there is lots of information available.  I tuned it based on instructions I found online and experimented with it, strumming some chords and singing along, but plan to purchase an instruction book.  At my "advanced" age, I don't want to waste time trying to learn it on my own, as I did with other instruments I learned to play at an earlier age (much earlier, actually).

Wasn't this a wonderful surprise?

Joanie

A Birthday Diary

Here's how a "senior" lady spent her birthday:

7:30 am -- got up.  Made coffee.  Fed the cat.
8:00 am -- checked email and read newspaper on line.  Printed crossword to do later (from Wash Post).
9:00 am -- checked C's blood sugar and blood pressure.
9:05 am -- fed C. through stomach tube.  Also gave morning meds, crushed and dissolved in water.
9:55 am -- took C. to dialysis
10:15 am -- dropped mail off at the post office
10:20 am --took king-sized bed quilt to local laundry (too big for my washing machine)
10:30 am - grocery shopped
11:30 am -  home, unpacked groceries.  Ate bowl of cereal and fruit.

12:45 pm - drove back to dialysis center.

12:55 pm - checked C's blood sugar at dialysis and gave him an insulin shot

1:00 pm - fed C. at dialysis via stomach tube.

1:30 pm - visited friend CAG who is on crutches due to knee injury.
2:30 pm - picked C. up from dialysis
2:45 pm - ate peanut butter sandwich
3:00 pm - got cash from ATM and picked up quilt from laundry.
3:15 pm - back to groc store for birthday cake for me (small cheesecake)
5:00 pm - checked C's blood sugar, gave him an insulin shot, and checked his blood pressures.
5:05 pm - fed C. via stomach tube.
5:15 pm - fed the cat
5:30 pm - started making dinner for my son and me
6:45 pm - ate dinner (chicken, potatoes, asparagus)
7:15 pm - cleaned kitchen; empied and reloaded dishwasher
7:30 pm - watched Jeopardy
8:00 pm -- started watching House premier; worked crossword printed off earlier in the day
8:50 pm -- prepared C's meds for feeding
9:02 pm -- fed C. through stomach tube
9:30 pm -- answered emails
10:00 pm -- started writing this blog
10:14 pm -- and here's how the cat celebrated my birthday:

What Happened to Summer?

The last time I posted was the 4th of July. Today is the 4th of September. What happened to the two intervening months?

Our lives were touched by surgeries, illness, and medical emergencies (byproducts of growing older), and I have learned that I can do a lot more than I ever thought possible. But I don't want to go into details here. Before all of this happened, I planted some flowers and they pretty much had to fend for themselves, but we had adequate rain until recently. Most of the flowers are annuals and when frost comes they'll be history. Here are a few shots taken today, to record what worked in the summer of 2009:

Hope your summer was lovely with beautiful flowers.

Joanie

Dealing with Aging

When I was young, I was always the youngest person in my group. Because of my birthday in the fall, I was the youngest in my high school graduating class. At work, I always seemed to be the youngest in my peer group.

But times have changed. Today, it seems that I am the oldest person in every activity in which I volunteer. I try to tell myself that this doesn't matter--my mind is still sharp and I am an active person--but when I get dressed to go out, I look in the mirror and see the gray hair, the wrinkles, the many signs of aging

One of the worst thing about being an old lady is that no one notices you! It seems like I meet some of the same people over and over but they don't remember me. Today I attended a meeting on a volunteer project and the committee chairman, with whom I've met for almost a year now, sent out a message afterward to all of the participants and in it called me by the wrong first name!

I have a theory--the best spy would be an old lady. No one notices old ladies. No one takes us seriously. No one pays attention to us. We are forgettable.

I'm not ready to give up living, volunteering, participating. Recently on a volunteer project, one of the others asked me if I was "up to this." I think she judged, by my appearance, that I was "too old" to participate. Granted, I am certainly not as capable, physically, as I once was, but I'm not ready yet to retire to the "home."

I found the following poem on the internet--no indication of who wrote it so if anyone knows please tell me. It expresses how I feel:

do not judge me

wrinkles, gray hair and hearing aids.
glasses, walking sticks, and dentures.
although when you look at me, this is what you see,
do not be a judge of me, for there is more of me to see
individual and human, I am unique, alive with personality, ME,
do not judge me

To "old ladies" everywhere--we rock!!!

Joanie

We Were "Flocked"!

I used to wonder why old people talked so much about their ailments, their doctor visits, and their medicines. Now I understand it -- when you reach our ages, taking medicines for a variety of conditions becomes a daily routine, and doctor visits often occur weekly. From time to time, our bodies require medical intervention to keep them functioning properly.


Cliff had surgery last Tuesday morning and spent the rest of the week in the hospital. He came through it well but will require a period of recovery. The hospital is in another town, so I drove over every morning and back home every evening.



Thursday evening when I arrived home, I was stunned to see about a dozen pink flamingos in my front yard! I could not imagine what in the world was going on, or who did it, or why.










Then I saw a sheet that was attached to one of the flamingos: It said "You've been flocked by friends" and was signed with the names of the senders. It went on to explain that this is done by a local charity as a fundraiser. The "flocking" is a way for people to send congratulations, happy birthday, get well soon--any occasion where this sort of surprise would be appropriate. The charity receives a donation from the sender, and often also from the recipient.





The flamingos were not ours to keep; they were removed on Sunday but fortunately not until after Cliff got back home, so he got to see them. I do wonder what my neighbors thought when they saw all of those pink plastic flamingos, wearing straw hats no less, in our front yard.








To our friends who sent them, a big "thank you." We enjoyed them and they certainly lifted my spirits when I returned home that evening after a difficult day.

Joanie

Challenges of Aging

I have not blogged a lot lately. Our lives have been preoccupied with health challenges. This is one of the difficulties of aging -- our bodies begin to decline and we experience a variety of medical conditions. Without going into detail, in recent weeks medical treatments, procedures, and/or tests have occupied three to four days of each week. We are extremely fortunate that this care exists and that we have adequate insurance to pay for it. Still, it is a time that requires major adjustments in our lives.


Last Monday we were putting out ice melt on our walkway and today the temperatures were in the 70s! I spent three hours weeding and cutting down the remnants of last season's garden (I always leave the seed heads of plants such as rudbekia and coneflower to feed migrating birds). Now that the buds are swelling and the shoots of bulbs are pushing up through the ground, it is time to get rid of the leftover materials and get the garden ready for the emerging greenery.

However, after three hours weeding and cleaning up debris, I was so tired that I feared I would not have the energy to put away all of my tools (I did, but it wasn't easy). The reduction in stamina is one of the most troubling things about aging. In my mind, I can still do as much as I ever could. But my body gets weary long before my brain is ready to quit. And everything I do seems to take twice as long as it used to.

My mother once told me that in her mind she didn't feel old, but she was trapped inside an old body. Now I understand completely.

Still, I love working in the garden. It is my therapy, and along with music, the thing that keeps me able to retain my sanity. Sure, I could hire someone to do the work (and I do for some of it), but the hands-on activity of weeding, raking, pruning, and planting satisfies a need so deep inside that I can't put it into words.

After a brief absence

When you are a senior citizen, things happen that change your daily routines and your future plans. The past few weeks have been a challenging time for us, but we're learning to adjust to new doctors medicines, and routines. Usually Cliff and I go to Florida the 1st of December and stay a couple of months, but this year our departure has been delayed. We now have reservations for this coming Sunday, Dec 7, to travel via the autotrain from Lorton, VA to Sanford, FL, and are hoping that nothing else happens to delay our trip.



As a result of the delay, this year I was able to go to my garden club's December meeting and holiday party which I've missed in previous years, and it was delightful. One of our members graciously hosted the event at her historic home here in town:


Here are a couple views of the interior of this majestic old house. The hostess had every room decorated with beautiful greens and ornaments. Here is the dining room:

and the front hall:

And of course, being the garden club, we brought floral entries for judging:

Joanie