Coping with Loss

Losing someone you love is one of the most difficult things a person will face in his or her lifetime. Your world changes so much, and yet the sun rises and sets every day just as it always has. Somehow this feels wrong -- how can earth's rhythms be oblivious to your loved one's departure?

So how do you cope? You just do. You have to. Still, everything has changed, especially if you were the caretaker of your loved one. Your life had revolved around that person, and that person is gone.

As for me, to paraphrase The Beatles (does this really need a link?), I get by with a little help from my friends--and my family.

I am fortunate that we are a close family:  My son, sister, brother, nieces, nephews, step-daughters, cousins, and their families communicate frequently and get together when we can.  It is wonderful to have such a loving and caring support group.  They give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it and make me laugh a lot.  The following are pictures of some of the members of my dear family:

Below -- my son, back in the day. . . .                                                                                      

and now.

Above, my sister and her son.

above:  my brother and one of my nieces

above, four stepdaughters

above:  step granddaughter and great-granddaughter

above:  three of my four beautiful grand-nieces

Look at all of those smiling faces.  Smiling is contagious, isn't it.


SMILE

Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons, music by Charlie Chaplin
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

Joanie

For Auld Lang Syne 12-31-2009

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.


In the above photo taken last May, Cliff is presenting scholarships to students at a local high school.  My thoughts tonight center around memories of our twenty-two years together:

I remember you, you're the one who made my dreams come true, a few kisses ago.
I remember you, you're the one who said I love you too, I do, didn't you know?
I remember too a distant bell, and stars that fell like rain out of the blue.
When my life is through and the angels ask me to recall the thrill of them all,
Then I shall tell them, I remember you.

(Lyrics by: johnny mercer; Music by: victor schertzinger)

To my family and friends, thank you for your support during these past difficult weeks.  I love you all and wish you the best in 2010.

Holiday wishes

For those who have an empty chair at the Christmas dinner table due to the loss of a loved one, you may find comfort (as I did) in this post by Caroline@ FOREVER VINTAGE:   http://ckaspardlov.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-in-heaven.html. 

Thanks, Caroline.

To my family and friends:  warmest wishes for a Merry Christmas.

Joanie

Hanging in there, part ii

A song that has comforted me for many years is "Turning Toward the Morning" by Gordon Bok.  Now the words of the song seem more appropriate than ever before.

Turning Toward the Morning

(Gordon Bok)

When the deer has bedded down
And the bear has gone to ground,
And the northern goose has wandered off
To warmer bay and sound,
It's so easy in the cold to feel
The darkness of the year
And the heart is growing lonely
For the morning

Oh, my Joanie, don't you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.

Now October's growing thin
And November's coming home;
You'll be thinking of the season
And the sad things that you've seen,
And you hear that old wind walking,
Hear him singing high and thin,
You could swear he's out there singing
Of your sorrow.

When the darkness falls around you
And the Northwind come to blow,
And you hear him call you name out
As he walks the brittle snow:
That old wind don't mean you trouble,
He don't care or even know,
He's just walking down the darkness
Toward the morning.

It's a pity we don't know
What the little flowers know.
They can't face the cold November
They can't take the wind and snow:
They put their glories all behind them,
Bow their heads and let it go,
But you know they'll be there shining
In the morning.

Now, my Joanie, don't you know
That the days are rolling slow,
And the winter's walking easy,
As he did so long ago?
And, if that wind would come and ask you,
"Why's my Joanie weeping so?"
Won't you tell him that you're weeping
For the morning?

Oh, my Joanie, don't you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Recorded by Bok, Trickett and Muir on "Turning Toward the
Morning", FSI-56, copyright 1975.

"One of the things that provoked this song was a letter last
November from a friend who had had a very difficult year and was
looking for the courage to keep on plowing into it. Those times,
you lift your eyes unto the hills, as they say, but the hills of
Northern New England in November can be about as much comfort as
a cold crowbar. You have to look ahead a bit, then, and realize
that all the hills and trees and flowers will still be there come
Spring, usually more permanent than your troubles. And if your
courage occasionally fails, that's okay, too: nobody expects you
to be as strong (or as old) as the land." - Gordon Bok

I am waiting for the morning.

Joanie

Hanging in there

If Cliff had lived, he would be 76 years old today.  Today grandson Brandon (right above) emailed pictures from Cliff's birthday last year.

I started a new scrapbook yesterday with mementos of our life together. 

We had so much fun together.  Except for his last several months when he was so ill, I think he was happy.  I want to remember him as he was before he became so ill, and in his five wishes document that is how he said he wanted to be remembered.

Do you have an advance medical directive?  If not, I encourage you to execute one.  The five wishes document is inexpensive.  You can find it at http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php.

Joanie

A wonderful surprise

I arrived home a couple of days ago and there was a package on my porch addressed to me. I hadn't ordered anything recently and could not imagine who might have sent it. The return address said "Jackson and Perkins." I sometimes order plants from them -- could I have ordered and forgotten? It's true my memory isn't as great as that of a younger person. But I was certain that I had not placed any recent orders.

I brought the package into the house and opened it, and it contained a beautiful basket of yellow and coral miniature roses. Inside there was a tag that said "just because you're you" but there was NO NAME!!! The following photo is from the Jackson and Person website, but I assure you the actual roses are even more lovely than this photo. After a couple of days, one of my stepdaughters "fessed up" to sending it. Wasn't that a sweet thing to do? Life has given us some challenges recently but this unexpected gift lifted my spirits, and continues to do so each time I look at it. When the blooms fade, I plan to plant it outdoors in hopes to perpetuate the joy of the beautiful roses and the memory of an unexpected gift.

Joanie

Happy Birthday America

The Jewel Box Home posted the above photo (and others) this morning. What a beautiful house -- and wonderfully adorned for America's birthday.

I hope you all have a great day with family and friends, food and fireworks. And if you have access to PBS, be sure and watch "A Capitol Fourth" this evening.

Enjoy.

Joanie

Lunch on the River

The other day we visited Sanford, FL and went to a little restaurant along the St John's river. This is not a fancy place by any standard, but it is one of our favorite places to go in Central Florida. My sister, her husband, and his sister went with us. Below, my guy faces the camera. River view in background.

Below, my sister (on right), her hubby, and his sister. More river view in background.

This is not a chain restaurant. The food is simple and delicious. I am particularly fond of grouper, a fish that we don't have back home, but it has grown more expensive. Still, I splurged and had a grouper reubin. It may sound weird to some but it was excellent and I wouldn't hesitate to order it again.

The service is not the fastest, but the food is worth waiting for, especially when you're enjoying the breeze and the casual ambience, watching the boats, and are in good company. If you're ever near Sanford, stop in and try it. Shorts, sandles, and t-shirts are appropriate attire, although it was a cooler day when we were there and people dressed accordingly.

Joanie

Happy Birthda Jenna

More birthday wishes -- today for my beautiful, bright, and loving niece Jenna, who lives way down south. Jen, I am looking forward to our next teatime at the Windsor Tea Room. Hope your birthday is wonderful in every way.

Love, Aunt Joan

Happy Birthday Scott

Today I'm sending birthday wishes to my handsome, smart, and witty nephew Scott who lives many miles from me.

Scott, I hope you have a wonderful day and a terrific year to come. Much love.

Aunt Joan

my sister's birthday

Today is the birthday of my dear little sister. Although we live many miles from each other, we communicate almost every day, via email or telephone. In the winter, C. and I head south for a couple months and then I am able to see her several times a week. She is a sweet and loving person and fun to be with. She has so many talents -- decorating, landscaping, quilting, etc., -- and is an all around beautiful soul.

Happy Birthday, darling lil sis. Can't wait to see you again.

Love, Joanie

Living with Music

As long as I can remember, there was music around our house. In my early years, we had no tv, and we often sang and played in the evenings. And there was the music at church. Daddy sang in the choir and would take me to sit with him when I was quite little. He taught me to play piano by ear before I ever started formal lessons. Harmonizing came easy to me and I sang alto in the choir as soon as I was old enough.

Mother and Daddy had played in a Lutheran church orchestra before they married, and often they would play together some of those songs. My favorite was "Bye Bye Blackbird." The photo above, taken before I was born, shows Mother holding another instrument but I never heard her play anything but piano and organ. I have the little mandolin on the ground next to Mother, but I only learned to play one song on it.

During the 1930s Daddy played in this orchestra. He is one of the saxophone players shown in this picture that appeared in a local newspaper. He was self taught and could sight transpose to any key.













All of my grandmothers four brothers played music. Two of them are featured here. The picture above shows them in their latter years; Lonie is on the left and Lando on the right. In the second photo, they are shown as they appeared sometime in the early 1900s with Lando on the left and Lonie on the right. I loved to hear them play the old fiddle and banjo tunes and I believe this is what triggered my love of "the high lonesome sound."



I have been fortunate to have many musician friends in my lifetime. One of my most enduring friends is Barbara. We met sometime around 1975 and immediately became friends. She is a soprano and I am an alto, and we began singing and playing together. This photo shows us at the old Birchmere when it was in Arlington VA, performing at "open mike." After all these years, we still get together whenever we can, to talk and reminisce and, of course, sing. She now plays the appalachian dulcimer and I mostly play the autoharp. Sharing music and friendship with her has been one of the great riches of my life.