Hanging in there, part ii

A song that has comforted me for many years is "Turning Toward the Morning" by Gordon Bok.  Now the words of the song seem more appropriate than ever before.

Turning Toward the Morning

(Gordon Bok)

When the deer has bedded down
And the bear has gone to ground,
And the northern goose has wandered off
To warmer bay and sound,
It's so easy in the cold to feel
The darkness of the year
And the heart is growing lonely
For the morning

Oh, my Joanie, don't you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.

Now October's growing thin
And November's coming home;
You'll be thinking of the season
And the sad things that you've seen,
And you hear that old wind walking,
Hear him singing high and thin,
You could swear he's out there singing
Of your sorrow.

When the darkness falls around you
And the Northwind come to blow,
And you hear him call you name out
As he walks the brittle snow:
That old wind don't mean you trouble,
He don't care or even know,
He's just walking down the darkness
Toward the morning.

It's a pity we don't know
What the little flowers know.
They can't face the cold November
They can't take the wind and snow:
They put their glories all behind them,
Bow their heads and let it go,
But you know they'll be there shining
In the morning.

Now, my Joanie, don't you know
That the days are rolling slow,
And the winter's walking easy,
As he did so long ago?
And, if that wind would come and ask you,
"Why's my Joanie weeping so?"
Won't you tell him that you're weeping
For the morning?

Oh, my Joanie, don't you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.
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Recorded by Bok, Trickett and Muir on "Turning Toward the
Morning", FSI-56, copyright 1975.

"One of the things that provoked this song was a letter last
November from a friend who had had a very difficult year and was
looking for the courage to keep on plowing into it. Those times,
you lift your eyes unto the hills, as they say, but the hills of
Northern New England in November can be about as much comfort as
a cold crowbar. You have to look ahead a bit, then, and realize
that all the hills and trees and flowers will still be there come
Spring, usually more permanent than your troubles. And if your
courage occasionally fails, that's okay, too: nobody expects you
to be as strong (or as old) as the land." - Gordon Bok

I am waiting for the morning.

Joanie

Hanging in there

If Cliff had lived, he would be 76 years old today.  Today grandson Brandon (right above) emailed pictures from Cliff's birthday last year.

I started a new scrapbook yesterday with mementos of our life together. 

We had so much fun together.  Except for his last several months when he was so ill, I think he was happy.  I want to remember him as he was before he became so ill, and in his five wishes document that is how he said he wanted to be remembered.

Do you have an advance medical directive?  If not, I encourage you to execute one.  The five wishes document is inexpensive.  You can find it at http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php.

Joanie

In Loving Memory

My beloved, my best friend with whom I spent the last twenty-two years, departed this life on Thursday, Nov 12, 2009, ten days short of his 76th birthday.  He had been so ill.  I was with him, along with one of his daughters and one of his grandsons, when he took his final breath.

At this moment I cannot begin to imagine what life will be like without him.  His health concerns occupied a lot of our time for several years and became intense in the current year.  As hard as it was at times, I do not regret one single moment of caring for him. 

The funeral will be Tuesday, and interment on Wednesday. Then I will begin the next stage of my life.

Joanie

Veterans' Day 2009

What a difference a year makes.  Last year I posted about the Veterans Day celebration in our Town.  Last year C. was one of the speakers at the event.  This year he is gravely ill and in the hospital.

I could not let the day pass without honoring his military service and that of all of our veterans:

A Veteran’s Day Prayer

Dear Lord,

Today we honor our veterans,

worthy men and women

who gave their best

when they were called upon

to serve and protect their country.

We pray that you will bless them, Lord,

for their unselfish service

in the continual struggle

to preserve our freedoms, our safety,

and our country’s heritage, for all of us.

Bless them abundantly

for the hardships they faced,

for the sacrifices they made

for their many different contributions

to America’s victories

over tyranny and oppression.

We respect them, we thank them,

we honor them, we are proud of them,

and we pray that you will watch over

these special people

and bless them with peace and happiness.

In Jesus’ name we pray; Amen.

If you value your freedom, thank a veteran.

Joanie

The Ghost of Halloweens Past

This year, for the first time ever, we did not turn on the porch lights to welcome the trick-or-treaters.  When C. was still in good health, he enjoyed decorating for every occasion and we both loved seeing the little ones in their costumes and giving them their Halloween treats.  Down in the storage area we have lots of Halloween decorations.  But this year C. is in ill health, and all I had time to do was put a fall wreath on the front door and three fake pumpkins (from Target) on the front porch. 

One of my stepdaughters brought me two beautiful chrysanthemum plants that I also put on the front porch; the the next morning deer had eaten them down to stubs.

I know that there are plenty of other houses that will turn on their porch lights to welcome the costumed children.  Hope next year ours will be one of them.

Joanie

Caregivers' survival, part II

A few days ago I wrote about things to do to take care of the caregiver.  I realized later there are other things to add to the list:

HIRE SOME HELP (IF YOU CAN).   I have someone who comes every two weeks to help me catch up on cleaning and laundry.  This lets me have at least a little time to do things for myself.  As women, we have always taken care of so many things ourselves, but especially as we age it becomes difficult to accomplish as much as we once did.  And when we have to care for a loved one, our discretionary time becomes scarce.  So if you can afford it, hire someone to help you.

ACCEPT OFFERS OF HELP FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  It's easy to feel like we'd be imposing on someone who offers to help, or we're concerned that the person doesn't really mean it, and so we say no.  Learn to say yes, at least some of the time.  Have you ever helped someone?  Didn't it make you feel better?  Give others the same chance.

Give yourself a chance to relax a little.

Joanie

Caregiver's survival guide

It's doubtful that any of us think we'll grow up to be a caregiver (caretaker?) but in our elder years many of us find ourselves with this responsibility.  Here are some of the things I think can help us withstand the stresses of caregiving:

1.  GET ENOUGH REST.  This is a tough one.  Our loved one often needs attention when we would rather sleep in.  So grab a nap when you can.  Today I napped while my guy was at therapy.  It was only for a few minutes, but it helped.

2.   EAT RIGHT.  When your loved one is being tube (bolus) fed, there's not much incentive to cook meals for yourself.  But falling back on junk food and ready-to-eat stuff can take a toll on your own health.  Let's face it, it's a lot easier to eat some cheese and crackers than to go to the store and get salad fixings, expecially when you're already tired.  But it is important to make an effort.  Even so-called "fast food" joints now have healthier selections.  Do your research, and choose wisely.

3.  MAKE TIME FOR YOUR PASSIONS.  You don't have a lot of time, that's for sure, but if you love to knit, or quilt, or paint, play music, read, do crosswords, or weed your garden -- whatever gives you pleasure, do it when you can.  If you love it, it will relax you and give you satisfaction.  Do it when your loved one is sleeping, or at dialysis, or at therapy, or whenever you have a little time to do something you love.  Even if it's only for a few minutes, it will be beneficial to you.

4.  KEEP IN TOUCH WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  My sister and I email almost every night and we talk every weekend.  My brother and I have lunch most Fridays.  My friends and I keep in touch by phone and email.  This keeps me from feeling isolated from the outside worl when circumstances keep me here at home.

5.  LAUGH!!!  This is so important.  There is always something in this life that we can find amusing, and laughing is one of the best ways to relieve tension and give one a feeling of well-being.  Make contacts with friends and family members who make you laugh.

6.  GET SOME FRESH AIR.  We caretakers must often spend a lot of time indoors.  But if we make an effort, we can find a minute here and there to step outside and take a deep breath and re-establish our connection with the natural world.  Even if it's raining, standing on a porch and taking a deep breath can be invigorating.

7.  ENJOY YOUR DOG/CAT/HAMSTER/FERRET.  Pets bring joy and comfort, especially to we "elders."  If you share your home with a critter, enjoy the love and affection you will give and receive.

for the caregivers

Joanie